Archive for the ‘You Can't Spell Failure Without "U-R-A"’ Category


Carl Long Loses His Suspension Appeal

Tuesday, June 2nd, 2009

Good job, NASCAR. Bravo.

Good job, NASCAR. Bravo.

NASCAR has upheld the suspension of poor Carl Long, whose only sin was buying a used engine that blew up on him at the Sprint Showdown at Charlotte. Unfortunately for him, his day job is working for Front Row Motorsports, so he’s going to be sitting at home for the next 12 races, but the suspension only applies for the Cup garage, so hopefully someone can give him a job, maybe in Nationwide or something. Unfortunately for his crew chief, Charles Swing, who was fined $200,000, he’s got to pay that or he can’t come back at all. And if he can’t do it by the end of the year, NASCAR won’t give him a license for 2010.

So, good work NASCAR—way to keep vanquishing the hoi polloi.

UPDATE: NASCAR released a statement. It’s the usual dreck, but this quote stands out:

The Commission reaffirms that the race team is ultimately responsible for all components on the race car, including any supplied by third-party vendors.

They did not add “unless you’re Robby Gordon, if you were Robby Gordon, that’d be okay.”

ESPN: NASCAR upholds Long’s suspension

Toyota Camry Hybrid Pace Car to Lead Field at Coke 600

Tuesday, April 21st, 2009

Coming soon to a NASCAR track near you.

Coming soon to a NASCAR track near you.


So Toyota, in an effort to push their “green” PR efforts among the NASCAR crowd, has gotten a Toyota Camry Hybrid certified to be the pace car at the Coca-Cola 600 at Lowe’s Motor Speedway. Now, I’m not against fuel conservation efforts or anything, but this quote was telling: “In order to qualify as a pace car for the race at LMS, a vehicle is required to reach speeds close to 100 mph from a stand-by position near the exit of pit road to the time it reaches the exit of Turn 2.” See, here’s the thing: pushing a hybrid as hard as required to be a pace car, you completely negate all the benefits of the hybrid technology. For a potent demonstration of this, check out this video from the British TV show Top Gear which is a pretty accurate analog of what will happen.

NASCAR.com: Toyota hybrid to become first race-long pace car

We Only Think It’s SAFER: Time to Extend the SAFER Barriers Around the Whole Track

Saturday, April 18th, 2009

I think Casey Atwood will agree with me on this one.

I think Casey Atwood will agree with me on this one.


One of the quiet little secrets in NASCAR that most fans don’t seem to know about, is that the vaunted SAFER Barriers which NASCAR touts as one of their biggest achievements in keeping drivers safe (along with the Car of Tomorrow), only works when drivers hit actually hit the barrier. But most tracks don’t have it around the full length of the track. In many places it’s just in the corners.

Yesterday at Phoenix, on two separate occasions, a car managed to hit the “non-SAFER-barrier” portion of the wall, slamming into hard concrete. It’s time for that to change.
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Blowing Up: The Rash of Exploding Engines in NASCAR

Tuesday, March 3rd, 2009
A fiery horse with the speed of light, followed by a cloud of dust. A hearty "Hi-Ho Silver" is optional. (Credit: John Harrelson, Getty Images)

A fiery horse with the speed of light, followed by a cloud of dust. A hearty "Hi-Ho Silver" is optional. (Credit: John Harrelson, Getty Images)

I was all set to put together an article about the recent rise in Exploding Engine Syndrome or EES, and then the Good Professor, Diandra Leslie-Pelecky, put together a much better article over at Stock Car Science than I could ever hope to do myself. So your reading assignment for today is to go check out her article.

Sunday, Rainy, Sunday: Daytona 500 Aftermath

Sunday, February 15th, 2009
Pick a disaster, any disaster.

Pick a disaster, any disaster.

On the sport’s biggest stage, NASCAR steps up to the plate and shows everyone that everything they can think of that’s bad about NASCAR is completely, absolutely, 100% true.
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The Spirit of Blistering

Sunday, February 15th, 2009
Oh, the humanity! Another season of this crap!

Oh, the humanity! Another season of this crap!

Tony Stewart complaining about Goodyear’s tire issues? Stop me if you’ve heard this one before.
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Animal, Vegetable or Miserable

Saturday, February 7th, 2009
Can you hear "me" now?

Can you hear "me" now?

Have we officially crossed over into the threshold of ridiculousness?

Does NASCAR just expect the viewing public to play 20 questions with who’s sponsoring the 12 car this season?

Does Verizon really have the kind of money to spend on sponsoring a driver to carry just their brand’s colors?

Is this really a sound business plan for NASCAR: to force teams to turn away hard-to-come-by sponsors?
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Changes to the Bud Shootout (a.k.a. “The Tony Stewart Rule”)

Friday, January 23rd, 2009
Mike Helton would like to explain this year's Bud Shootout changes.

Mike Helton would like to explain this year's Bud Shootout changes.

NASCAR has made some bone-headed changes over the years, but switching the Bud Shootout from a semi-meritocracy based on pole positions to a pointless manufacturer competition has got to be up there on the list somewhere.

Previously, the Bud Shootout lineup was based on pole winners from the previous season and previous Bud Shootout winners. It was hardly a perfect way to determine a preseason matchup, but it was fairly equitable. If you were able to qualify on the pole, even just once, that got you a shot to go for a lot of cash early in the season. This led to a fairly-diverse blend of drivers in the field.

But that’s gone now. In its place, we have qualifying based on the top six teams for each manufacturer based on the previous season’s owners points. In other words, get ready for nothing but large teams.
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